I ran across Write The Company on Twitter through a shared interest in how companies engage with consumers. (And, as you can tell, I am a sucker for a great writer of alliterations.) Here's a brief description of this talented writer, who "covers" an area close to my heart with the humor and irony it deserves.
"A candid collection of crazy correspondence containing comments, complaints, criticisms, critiques and confessions that categorically captures and conveys the confusion, complications, curiosities, compliments and consequences consumers and customers constructively confront, creatively contemplate and/or continuously consider. Comprende?"
I asked the author of this creative, anonymous blog to come out from behind the curtain, and share a little insight about what type of consumer he is. In a nod to my Vanity Fair subscription, what follows is my personal hybrid version of the Proust and George Wayne interview with Write The Company.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Uncertainty. Like when my mom said she’d like to have me DNA tested.
What is your favorite place to shop?
The Red Light District in Amsterdam, but my wife only lets me window shop.
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Co-ed mud wrestling.
What consistent faults do you see in companies to whom you feel compelled to write?
Companies need to stop referring to consumers and customers as their “Target Market.” Targets are things you fire at, attack, hit and try to destroy. That alone makes me want to take aim at them.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Hester Prynne definitely tops the list. I’ve written hundreds of letters and she was able to take one single Scarlet Letter and turn it into a book and movie deal.
Who are your favorite characters in history?
Groucho, Chico, Harpo and sometimes Karl.
What phrase do you most hate to hear from a customer service representative?
“That’s our policy.” To me, that translates to: Nah-nah nah-nah-nah!
The quality you most admire in the person who replies for the company?
That he or she passed a background check and drug testing. You always want your inquiries handled by people with no rap sheet or traces of drugs in their urine.
What do you value most from the companies that respond?
The fact that they did respond. Too many don’t. Maybe they’re afraid some lunatic is going to post what they say online.
What is your favorite kind of product to complain about?
Any product that comes with a technical support number. I consider it a pre-warning. As soon as I see it I assign a speed dial number.
If you weren’t using all your free time writing to companies, what would you be doing in your spare time?
Free time isn’t productive so I don’t believe in it. Even with the time I spend writing letters I invoice myself and then question the charges. Too much of my time is already devoted to banging uncooperative electronic equipment repeatedly with a Ball Pein Hammer. Any spare time beyond that is spent doing stuff like flossing and catching up on which celebrities and athletes are heading to rehab or jail.